Dell 13 is our political attache to the U.S. Government. He's been under cover for so long, even we don't know what he really looks like.

How many times has this happened to you? You enter the polling place and you despair at your choices. You have a Republican who wants to cut funding for the arts. Or, there's a Democrat that wants to raise your taxes to pay for some social stopgap measure. Then, there's a Libertarian who you've never heard of, who can't be bothered to campaign or even have a sign at the polling place to remind people he exists. Don't you wish you had another choice?

Well, you DO! You can waste your vote! Instead of just refusing to vote, you can exercise your duty and not have to choose between the so-called 'lesser' of two evils. I myself can proudly state that with the exception of a mayor once, everyone I ever voted for has lost. (I can't recall my record on issues. But, I do know that I voted against every gambling initiative I could.)

And how can you guarantee a losing record like this? It's called 'none of the above'. "What do you mean, 'none of the above' (nota), that's not on the ballot?" you ask. Well, you're right, that choice is not on the ballot, but you shouldn't let it stop you. There are ways. It's easy, and there are many ways to do so.

The easiest way is to take your ballot, and don't even bother with the voting booth. Just drop it directly in the box. Or, go ahead and vote on the issues first, then skip the candidates. Your ballot still counts, even if you skipped the issues.

What this accomplishes is to lower the percentage of votes received by all candidates. You're still part of the total votes cast, but none of the candidates can claim you as part of their mandate. However, don't deface your ballot. Don't write a big 'X' on it; don't put any anarchy symbols on it, none of that protest stuff. That will ruin your ballot, and your vote won't count.

Another of the most common ways to vote 'nota' is to write in a candidate's name. There's usually some Rock star or cartoon character whose name you've seen on a bumper sticker. Or maybe even a legitimate candidate like that funny looking guy from Texas. Just tell the election judges, those are the people who asked you for ID and handed you the ballot, that you want to cast a write-in vote. The procedure will vary from place to place, but the judges will instruct you how to go about doing so. Some write-in candidates will provide self-adhesive stickers with their name on them for you to place on the ballot. This is perfectly legal in most states, and eliminates confusion over spellings and offices. If there is not enough space on the ballot to write-in all the offices you want to vote for, tell the judges, and you will be accommodated.

The best write-in candidate, in my opinion, is yourself. Yes, you. If you are eligible for the office, write your own name in. Why should you trust anyone else to watch out for your best interest? Who better than you knows what you need? This is the course I advise most of all. Or, if you want to waste your vote on someone who might receive more than one vote, go ahead and vote for a friend or relative.

In the state of Missouri, and most other places, for a write-in vote to count, the candidate must be registered with the Secretary of State of that particular state. But don't let the lack of registration by the candidate or yourself stop you from voting for them/you. Even if you vote for a cartoon character, your ballot still counts!

What we should hope to accomplish with all this is to wake up the powers that be that they are not keeping us entertained. We don't approve of the cast, and want the show canceled. If it starts occurring that the 'winning' candidate got less than 40% of the vote, maybe something will happen. Maybe some candidates who have real concerns and desires for public service will jump ship on the parties and declare their real platform; not what the party says is the platform they'll support. Maybe some parties will spring up that make a real effort to attract and educate voters. Maybe Joe Walsh will get elected. We can try to make our voices heard by shouting nonsense. Then once they start paying attention to us, we can demand a real choice. And remember to vote for yourself, it's a real ego boost. Or if you're not going to vote for yourself, vote for me.